The Incarnation

I'm not a noted theologian and I'm not terribly eloquent, but I wanted to share a few thoughts I have had this Christmas season. I have learned a few things about babies in the last two months. They are so helpless. They can't even hold up their heads. They can't see very well. They only way they can communicate is through crying and making noises. They are very humble creatures. They trust us SO much. Noah is never afraid that I'm going to drop him or not feed him or stop taking care of him. In light of this, I have been so overwhelmed with the incarnation this year. In our small group at church we have been reading A. W. Tozer's The Attributes of God. God is eternal, omnipresent, immutable, just, full of grace, wrath, and love. This very God that I worship put on flesh and became a tiny helpless baby for my sake. Unbelievable. He had to cry to get what he needed. He had to be held by two sinners to get where he needed to go. He had to learn how to talk. He stepped out of heaven where everyone was always telling him, "You are right. You are holy. You are perfect." and step into this wicked world where everyone told him, "You blaspheme. You are strange. You are wrong."

I've also been contemplating what it would have been like to be his mother. Knowing she would have a holy, perfect child, was she disappointed at his humanity? Did she understand the weight of the moment as she held him in his hands for the first time? Because she was so close and so intimately related to Him, did she ever doubt that he was actually the Messiah? I am so overwhelmed that Jesus was born in a manger. How did Mary handle that? Was she scared?

I love Noah so much. I can't stop kissing his cheeks. When he smiles at me I have joy like I've never had before. I think often about what he will be like when he gets older. I worry about him. I hope the best for him. I get nervous when he seems out of sorts and I make everyone put on hand sanitizer before they can hold him. I'm sure that Mary loved Jesus like this. I'm sure she gazed in his face while he nursed. I'm sure she laughed as he learned to walk and was proud when he learned from his dad how to build things for the home. It makes me cry to think that she had to see him suffer on the cross. Of everyone in Jesus' life on earth she was probably the most intimately acquainted with him and I would bet that she loved him in a way that no one else loved him. Then she had to watch him suffer so horrifically. If I had to watch Noah suffer in that way I think I would be vomiting. I would throw up and I would weep and I would try to get him out of the hands of those horrible people. She was called to something so difficult, and yet so blessed. She spent such precious time with the Savior of the world.

This year I am very thankful that Jesus willingly laid aside his power and clothed himself in humanity. I'm so thankful that He humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. The incarnation is such a breath-taking mystery.

An Ode to Christopher

I was just looking at a friend's blog and their Christmas tree was so beautifully decorated, like you would find in a magazine. For a second I was tempted to be jealous and to think that our tree was so lame compared to theirs. Then I realized that I'm so happy that our tree has colored lights, homemade ornaments, and a few Disney characters hanging up there. It might not be magazine worthy, but I think it represents us well. For some reason comparing our shabby tree to my friend's fancy tree made me really thankful for my husband.

I love that Chris doesn't care at all about having a house that looks like it could belong in a magazine, but he does care that our house is comfortable and that people feel like they can kick up their feet here.

I love that he has a really good, manly beard.

I love that he likes baseball. It's so all-American of him. And I love that he knows everything about baseball. It is always so attractive to me when we start to talk baseball history.

I like that Chris embraces his nerdiness so well... Magic cards, video games, etc.

There is a lot more that I love about Chris, but I have been instructed by him in the past that I'm not allowed to blog about intimate details of our life...especially his intimate details. I'm just so thankful that I have a husband who appreciates colored Christmas lights and doesn't compare our family to other families that are more beautiful or have fancier things.

The Lone Wolf

I decided I need to start documenting the things Chris says in his sleep. He always speaks crystal clear and even though I'm wide awake, I am often confused as to whether he is asleep or not. The other night we had this sleepy conversation:
C: Did you hear the lone wolf?
B: What?
C: It was either a lone wolf or a coyote.
B: What are you talking about? They were in our yard?
C: Yeah. There was a lone wolf in the yard.
B: Why does it have to be a lone wolf? Why can't it just be a wolf?
C: Because wolves run in packs and he was all by himself.
B: (Laughing) You are so weird.
C: What? Am I not making any sense? I'm serious.

Snow Shoeing

Chris finished his classes on Friday and he got all A's!!! I'm so proud of him. He worked so diligently this semester and really took school seriously for the first time in his life. Most Saturdays this fall he was busy doing homework and yesterday he had no homework to do. I was so excited! We decided to go snow shoeing near our house. Chris carried Noah in the ErgoCarrier and off we went. Frazier had a blast and since he was post-holeing up to his neck the whole time, he slept the rest of the afternoon.
Noah was starting to get a little mad
The view of Game Creek, the area where we live
Hiking along
Check out Frazier's ears. He was VERY excited!

Happy Birthday Bethany!

Today is Bethany's birthday and I am so thankful for my sweet sister in law! When Chris and I got married I could not have imagined what a fantastic new family I would be a part of. I remember the first time I met her in the Wichita airport and she was beaming to see her brother and his fiancee. She immediately made me feel at home and made me feel like her sister. We don't get to spend that much time together, but we have some very fun memories regardless. One of our favorite days was when she visited Jackson and we made potato soup and laid on the blow up bed most of the day watching movies.

I'm so thankful that Bethany loves Jesus. There have been plenty of times when she has encouraged me to love the Lord more through our conversations on the phone. She is transparent about her struggles and humble when it comes to being instructed by the Word of God. She has such a servants heart.

I can't wait for her to come out and spend Christmas with us next week!

Two Months!

Father and Son have a very special bond
Our first family photo at the Christmas concert
This is what Noah wears on our walks
My Big Boy! We think he is starting look more like the Newbold side of the family
Baby Noah is two months old! We had our two month wellness check yesterday and he weighs 10 lbs 11 ounces and is 23 inches long. He's in the 50th percentile for length and the 25th percentile for weight. Growing like a weed that little one!

Noah has had lots of firsts this last month! He celebrated his first Thanksgiving and was very thankful for Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Bethany and his great Grandparents. He went to his first birthday party for Abby Gava's 6th birthday at the Rec Center. He had his first few shots :( That was sad. He used his cloth diapers for the first time. He stayed in the nursery at church with Emily and Cheyenne and did great! I was very hesitant to put him in there, but since there was only one other child I felt okay about it. He went to his first two Stroller Strides classes and slept through both of them. He went to his first concert at the Center for the Arts. It was Christmas music performed by the Jackson Hole Orchestra and the Jackson Hole Chamber Choir. He spent his first night without Mommy and did an awesome job taking bottles from Dad. Chris took such sweet care of his little boy and loved his time alone with Noah.

We are so thankful for our little guy! He is such a joy. He loves to smile and coo at us... especially in the morning. We have gotten into a pretty consistent schedule starting at 6 am. He sleeps for a 4-6 hour stretch every night and I'm super thankful for that! I often pray that it would be 6 and not 4 hours, but it doesn't always work out that way. It's really hard for me when he wakes up at 4:30 am and is ready for the day, but that doesn't happen as often now that we are on a more consistent schedule. He always takes his first nap in his swing and sleeps for like 2 hours. I put him in there so he doesn't cry and wake up daddy. We love to go on walks using our ErgoCarrier. He usually sleeps the whole time.

Parenting continues to teach us many lessons on humility and selflessness. I constantly have to search my heart and decide if I am simply doing the easy thing or the thing that will benefit Noah and our family in the long run. I love to do the easy thing! But the truth is, I want to do what serves Noah most and what brings glory to our great God. It often takes sacrifice on our part to do this. This is great practice for when we need to begin disciplining our little boy and there will be lots of temptation to do the easy thing instead of the thing that best serves him in the long run. I am learning that my time in the Word will probably never look the same as it did before children. It's a little more sporadic and it takes a lot more discipline to sit to down and read. I try to read out loud in the mornings while nursing Noah. This has been a great time with him! I hope it gets me in the habit of reading God's Word to him and making most of the time that I have during the day.

I have been struck by what an amazing gift it is to be a stay at home wife and mom. When I first brought Noah home I was very uncertain about the whole thing. I loved him, but I was so overwhelmed and felt like what I was doing was not profitable. I'm so thankful that God has changed my heart! Chris is really giving me the most precious gift by letting me stay at home and parent Noah while he works to support us. I love being home with him. I love cooking for our family and trying out new recipes. I love that we get to go for walks almost every day. I love that I'm not missing anything. I love that I get to have people over from our church and minister to them. This week I am starting to counsel and disciple people again and I'm so thankful that I have the time to do that!

I can't wait to see what the next month holds!

One Month!

Noah is one month old now! We are so very thankful for him. He really is a very, very good baby. I have heard about fussy, inconsolable babies, but he is not one of them. The only time he cries is when we lay him down to sleep. This is terribly horribly awfully hard for me because I know that all I have to do to make him stop is pick him up. But, he is a fickle sleeper. He sleeps wonderfully at night, but daytime naps are hard. He just doesn't like to fall asleep. I know that if I let him stay up and have his way, he will be really difficult by late afternoon, so I almost always have to lay him down and let him cry. Sad. But it's getting MUCH MUCH better. He is starting to be better about soothing himself to sleep so he usually just fusses for a bit and then falls asleep. He is down to one nighttime feeding and I am thrilled about this! Usually he goes down anytime between 8 and 10 pm and then he wakes up between 1 and 3 am. Then he goes right back to sleep and gets up around 6 or 7 am. Such a huge blessing! He is also much more efficient at nursing so I'm usually only up feeding him for less than 30 minutes.

At his last appointment he was 21.5 inches long and weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces. He is 50th percentile across the board. I was very encouraged that he gained 18 oz in 14 days... it made me feel so proud of my milk producing abilities :)

A few little things about Noah... He is extremely hot blooded. He has VERY crazy (almost terrible) hair that makes him look like a retired highway patrol officer. He almost always wears a beanie as a result. He loves his jungle play mat. I can leave him on there for 30-40 minutes and he is just happy as can be. He loves to nurse and is getting really good at it. He loves mom and dad. He likes being in his moby wrap. He likes going on walks with mom. He especially loves to sleep in his car seat... which we are very thankful for because we are driving to KS this Friday. He learned to eat out of a bottle recently. He's big enough now to wear his cloth diapers, but I'm trying to use up the pampers before we start them. Maybe when we get back from KS I'll start using them.

Chris and I are doing well. We started up our midweek Bible study again and we have the same group we had last Spring. We are reading Volume 2 of the Attributes of God by Tozer. I'm super thankful for our small group and really excited about growing in my view God. It's amazing how quick I can start to think that God is like me. I need to be reminded often of how mighty and holy He is. I'm feeling great these days! I was just reorganizing our storage closet and it struck me that I was down on the ground in a tiny corner lifting heavy things... oh the joy of not having a baby in me! I feel back to normal for the most part. I mean, I'm not quite in my jeans yet, but we'll get there. In other news, I found out last week that I have to have yet another surgery. Wow, I'm high maintenance. The thing is, my body loves to grow lumps of all sorts. This time it's a lump on my thyroid. I had it biopsied 4 years ago and it was benign, but Dr. Trott (who did my lip surgery last winter) suggests that while my deductible is met I get it taken out since it has grow quite a bit. Apparently it is a simple procedure, but I do have to stay one night in the hospital and Chris will have to give Noah bottles at home while I "pump and dump" for the day. I know that the Lord wants me to grow in dependence on Him and in denying myself the earthly comforts and pleasures that I can so easily worship. He is using all of these things to refine me and for that I am very thankful! Okay, I'm not thankful for the drainage tube that I will have hanging out of my neck, but I'm working on it.

Some things we are excited for: Noah dropping his nighttime feeding. Frazier coming home with us from Kansas! Harry Potter is coming out soon. Chris has all A's in his classes. Bethany is going to visit us for Christmas. We have some snow on the ground! New church members that we love very much... and brothers and sisters in Christ that the Lord is calling out to Jackson this spring.

Two Weeks Old!

Noah is deciding if he likes the bath or not
Baby Noah is two weeks old now and things are going wonderfully! The first week was tough. I am so the mom that can't handle any little peep out of her child without running to his side. My parents were here the first week that we were home and it was just crazy. They were SO helpful with cooking and cleaning and getting little projects done. They got lots of cuddle time with Noah and did middle of the night shifts with him when he had to sleep on the billi-bed for his jaundice. I was a little bit of a wreck though. I was super tired and emotional and just cried about every little thing. Noah was in our bed because I didn't know how to get him to sleep in his bassinet alone. None of us were getting good sleep.

Turns out, you get your baby to sleep in their bassinet by making them do it. Funny how parenting works. Now, he sleeps like a champ. I just had to get over being afraid of his crying. I feel reassured that it's okay and even good for babies to cry so now he cries for about 5 or 10 minutes when I lay him down and then he falls asleep. What a world of difference this has made!

In his two weeks of life he has done quite a bit! He met his dog and soon-to-be best bud, Frazier. He got babysat by Grandma and Grandpa while Mom and Dad went on a date. He got circumcised (sad... very sad). His weight gain is up to 7.5 oz! He was 7 lbs when he was born. He has gone on lots of walks and done lots and lots and lots of sleeping! I feel like all he does is sleep and eat and poo.

Tomorrow Mike and Debbie leave and Chris and I are really looking forward to getting into more of a routine in life. Chris has his hands full with work, church, school and family so it will be really good for him to get into some kind of routine where he can do all of that. I'm looking forward to settling into stay-at-home-mommy-time. I'm not really sure what this will look like, but I'm excited to figure it out! I have found that while I'm nursing Noah I can really spend some great time in the Word and I'm looking forward to catching up on some sermons while I cook and clean.

In other news, we are starting the Great Buczinski Family Weight Loss of 2010. Since we all (me, Chris, Mike, Deb and Bethany) have a good 20 plus pounds to lose (yikes! that seems like an awful lot!) we are going to compete and see who can lose the most weight by Christmas. There will be some kind of wonderful prize for the winner, but we haven't decided on all the details quite yet. I hope this motivates me to lose this weight quickly!

The Kindness of God

I am amazed at God's kindness and grace through labor and delivery! Chris and I are in awe of this whole experience. There are several things that I am thankful for. I'm so thankful that God made us aware of the low fluid levels in the womb. The thought of going home and not knowing that Noah wasn't getting oxygen is horrific! Of course, God would still be good and His plan would be worthy of praise, but it was so kind of him to give us this gift.

The Lord knew my desire to experience a natural labor and delivery and He also knew that on my own accord, I could NEVER have done it. Chris and I feel like we were just along for the ride while the Lord carried us through this experience. I really believe that He pushed me to my absolute end and there was sufficient grace to be found there. One of the things that I had written down to meditate on and remember throughout my labor was, "Trust God for His provision, and turn to Him as you come to the end of yourself. The demands of labor have been given by God as a gift. As I come to the end of my own resources, I am forced to turn to God for His help. It is good to cry out to Him. This is preparing me for all the times that I will need to cry out to God during Noah’s life. The utter helplessness of labor is teaching me to cling to the power of God in Noah’s life." This really happened! I was forced to come to the end of myself and to cry out to Him for help and there was certainly help to be found there.

Another thing Chris and I were trying to be reminded of, "I will learn that I can indeed obey God’s commands when everything in my body is pressing me towards selfishness. God will give more grace than I think possible!" Wow, this really happened too! Reflecting on yesterday I see how God purposed to force me through a natural labor even when I was ready to throw my goals out the window in order that I would see how much grace there is in Him. Thank you Lord! All Chris and I can keep saying is, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." God is so good to give us the gift of natural labor when I did NOT want to do it.

One fear that I expressed to Chris and a few others is that I didn't want to go into natural birth with a prideful attitude, depending on my own strength. By God's grace He made that impossible. I am certain that I didn't do it on my own strength. It was a good gift from God and that was it. I was BEGGING for an epidural and looking for any way out, but God, in His kindness, knew that I would be so blessed by natural birth. Thank you Lord!

Thank you for carrying me in a way that I have never felt before. Thank you, Lord, for showing Chris and I that we are helpless and it is only you that can do anything beautiful in and through us. Thank you for showing us this lesson before we entered parenthood! Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me through labor and every dark place I turned there was still grace to be found there. Thank you for giving Chris grace to stand so strong with me. Thank you for blessing us FAR beyond anything that we could ever ask or imagine when you delivered a perfect healthy son into our arms. You are so kind. Your kindness has literally overwhelmed me.

A Birth Story

While it's fresh in my mind... here are all the details! I won't be too gross, but since it's almost all moms that read my blog, I won't be too cautious either...

I went in for my appointment on Wednesday morning and since I was full term my midwife wanted to put me on the monitors to make sure Noah's heart rate was okay. He had some great accelerations, but then some weird decelerations where his heart rate would drop down below 70. She decided to send me to the hospital to be put on their monitors for the afternoon and then she was going to check and be sure that I had enough fluid in the womb. I was on the monitors from about 10:30am until 5pm and he had maybe one or two of those decelerations. She wasn't too concerned, but did the ultrasound to check the fluid. They like the fluid levels to be above an 8, and I was at 6.5. Her concern was that he didn't have enough cushion and was pinching off his oxygen supply. If we had gone home we would have no way to know if the baby was in distress. Also, the low fluid levels indicated a failing placenta and my fluid levels would only continue to drop which would make it more and more difficult to have a vaginal birth.

It seemed like an easy decision that we would be induced. We weren't excited about having to be induced, but REALLY excited that Noah would be here soon! Also thankful that she caught the low fluid levels. She decided to have me rest in the hospital (which is impossible really) and then she was going to induce me in the morning. In the meantime she inserted an Cervidil suppository that could have set me into labor spontaneously. Sure enough, around midnight I was having regular hard contractions. I tried to deal with them on my own until about 1 am and then I woke up Chris. We fell into a good groove together, breathing through contractions and using the birthing ball by the side of the hospital bed. At this point I was about 3 cm dilated and 75 % effaced.

Throughout my pregnancy Chris and I were excited about and preparing for a natural labor. We hired a doula to assist us and did everything we thought we could to prepare. Around 4 am I decided that I could care less about natural labor and I told Chris that I NEEDED an epidural. I was coping really well with the contractions as far as he could tell, but I really felt like I could not continue. He told me that we should call our doula and wait for her to arrive so we could see if she could help us. Of course every two minutes until she arrived I was asking, "Where is she? How long is she going to be?" I felt bad for putting Chris in this position when he knew how much I wanted natural labor, but I was having such a hard time dealing with the pain.

Jenna arrived around 4:30 and the nurse (whose name is Chris but I kept wanting to call her Anne) checked me and I was about 4 cm, 100% effaced. I said, "Sorry you had to come all this way Jenna, but I can't do this anymore." and I asked the Chris/Anne for an epidural. She called Theresa and, can you believe it??, Theresa said NO! I was so frustrated with this. The problem was that Noah's heart rate dropped every time I hunched over and that is the position I have to stay in if I am going to get an epidural. Theresa lives in Idaho so I had to wait AN HOUR for her to get there. Terrible. She suggested I get in the birth tub... I opted for the shower, but that really sucked and I got way too cold so we moved to the tub.

The tub worked miracles. I got in and immediately felt relief. The baby really liked when I was in there because I relaxed so much and labor progressed VERY FAST from here. The nurse kept walking by and hearing that I was getting more and more intense so she checked me and found that I was between 7 and 8 cm. I didn't believe her and said something like, "She doesn't really know what she's talking about..." under my breath when she walked out the door and she popped back and in and said, "Let me explain..." I felt a little bad, but not too much. At this point things got very strange. I was in a strange daze in between contractions and then doing searching for my husband's hand during contractions and breathing and moaning very loudly to get through the contractions.

Theresa got there around 6:30 and checked me and I was 9 cm!! I couldn't believe it. The contractions were SO intense. We moved back to our room and she had me on all fours on the hospital bed. I was SOOO scared. I asked Chris to pray over and over again and I was begging God to make me brave to get through the pushing. It seriously hurt like my insides were going to come out. I had to start pushing and it was like nothing I've ever felt. I asked Theresa, "It feels like my colon is going to rip apart. Is that happening?" She assured me that it was not and then I felt like it was okay to push. All I really remember is shoving my face in the pillows, grabbing Chris' hand, and staring at my wet hair. I pushed and prayed and begged God for grace and I heard Chris say, "You're my hero. You're doing so great." I saw him start to cry and shake a little and it kind of made me feel better to know that he was really going through this with me (side note: I just love him so much. I need to devote a whole blog to how amazing he was through all of it. I could not have done it without God's grace and without my sweet husband). So, there I was naked, wet hair, on all fours with my butt in my midwives' face, doing an awful lot of hollering...TMI? too bad. Having a baby is over the top raw and intense.

Finally, Noah was here!! Theresa passed her up to me through my legs and I was kneeling over him on the bed. It hit me all of a sudden, "That's right, we are having a baby." Somehow, I forgot what we were doing! I flipped over and grabbed him and put him on my chest. Soooo amazing!!! Chris and I let out a huge sigh of relief and gazed at our beautiful boy. It feels like a dream! I can't believe that it all happened. I can't believe that we have a healthy baby boy and that I delivered him with no drugs.

I have a lot to share about my Lord, my husband and my precious, precious little baby boy. More to come!

Thankful

The Lord has done it! He brought our perfect, precious baby boy into the world yesterday morning at 6:50 am. I already feel like this was the best day of my life. I keep stopping and thinking, "Oh my gosh. Did this just happen!?" Birth was intense, magical, scary, and a little bit primal. Chris and I have been spending time reflecting on God's perfect provision through birth and all the lessons we learned from that experience. I am excited to share all the details of birth and this new exciting life... more to come!

October 13th is Finally Here!

Wow, back in February I never thought this day would come! Baby still hasn't arrived, but there's definitely some progress since last night. Since about 8 pm last night I started having contractions that were pretty painful and about 20-25 minutes apart. Chris and I went to bed at 10pm and I woke up 1 am because the contractions are too painful to sleep through. Now they are about every 15 minutes. Not as exciting as I would like it to be, but it's definitely something! I just hope that I'm rested enough to get through it all.

Two More Days... maybe....

It's Monday. Wednesday is the due date. I almost can't believe that I've made it this far! I definitely thought that I would have the baby by now. I'm not sure how I got that in my head, but needless to say, I'm fighting disappointment and discouragement at this point. Sometimes I think, "He's really not coming." But, Chris reminds me that this is impossible. The Lord is teaching me to be patient and to make the most of every moment while I'm home and not working and not tending to an infant. Honestly, I have been really lonely all day when Chris is at work. This past week I tried to be more diligent about inviting people over and spending time reading. Today my friend Tiffany is coming over and we're going to watch the movie "Babies" and bake ginger snaps. Tomorrow I'm going to each Natalie how to crochet. It's a glamorous life...

Over the past weekend three of my friends from California had their babies! I really am excited for them, but it makes the anticipation that much more difficult. I think I should lay off of Facebook so I don't get too discouraged. This verse in Psalm 119 has really convicted me this past week as I have had so much time and my thoughts have been racing about when this guy is going to come, "Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in your ways. Establish your word to your servant, as that which produces reverence for you." As I struggle with a complaining spirit it is a great reminder that I need to grow in reverence for my great God and I need to be disciplined to turn away from what distracts me from worship.

Since I don't do much, I don't have a whole lot to write about! I have really been enjoying my Bible reading plan. One interesting thing about it is that it has me in 1 Kings, Ecclesiastes, and Proverbs all at once right now and I'm getting a really cool picture of who Solomon was. I have been in Jeremiah for about 30 chapters now and it has been such an encouragement to me to persevere in ministry. What an amazing man of God he was! Over and over again he is faithful to God's Word and he is faithful to serve the Israelites and as a result of the hard things he is saying on behalf of God, he is almost put to death continually! I can shy away from saying hard things because I fear man and not God. He is really teaching me about compassionate boldness in ministry... and about the wickedness of my own heart! How often I can ask for help (especially from Chris) and then when I get it, I am tempted to revile because I don't want my sin pointed out. This is just what the Jews did to Jeremiah. Among other books this reading plan has me in, I am reading through Acts as well. Yesterday I started listening to MacArthur's series Paul's trials before Felix in the end of Acts. It's so great!

I hope the next time I blog is because baby Noah has arrived! I'm praying for patience and for contentment in these last few days of pregnancy.

Two More Weeks!

I can't believe that we will be a family of three in a matter of days! Chris and I are sooo excited for Noah to get here. Our hospital bags are packed, we have been meeting with our doula, and we are prepared to pass off any ministry that we are committed to. Chris and I have been thinking and praying a lot about how to make labor and delivery an act of worship to God where we are leaning on His strength to get through it. I have been so encouraged by His Word and by the truths found there that I think will be great motivation to get through labor. I want to look back and be thankful for the grace God gave me to do it naturally and to do it with grace. I know that things may not go the way we planned, but I am preparing my heart to give God praise and glory no matter how the labor and delivery goes.

This past weekend we had our first Cornerstone Church Women's Conference. It was such a great success. Pam Hardy came and spoke on joy. It was such a blessing. I was encouraged and convicted that I need to be depending on the Lord and humbly recognize that I need his Word SO bad. It is my greatest struggle as a Christian to be in His Word faithfully and I want that to change.

Chris and the rest of the steering committee at church spent their weekend in Cora, WY on the Green River planning and praying for our church. It was a really profitable time as well.

Yesterday I thought I was starting early labor because I was having contractions 10 minutes apart that were more uncomfortable than normal and lasted all day. But, sadly, they stopped. I'm hoping that it really is any day now!


I'm very large!

Leslie and Charlotte are coaxing Noah to come out

More Baby Showers!

We had two more baby showers for Noah when I got home from California. My work friends have been planning a "White Trash Baby Shower" for us for several weeks. What fun! You can see in the photos that Chris and I got all dolled up for the event. They decorated the yard with beer cans, a mattress and a pick up truck. Tennille made a DELICIOUS white trash cake and they showered us with lots of money to spend at Babies R Us. We are so thankful for them! I felt really blessed that they would put the energy and money into a party for us. One friend at work has been SO excited about Noah coming. It's awesome to see how my relationships at work have grown after two years at Sidewinders. They are such a fun bunch and it was really a great blessing to celebrate with them.

Of course the amazing women at Cornerstone Church threw me a wonderful shower as well. They are so thoughtful in how they put these types of events together. We had a beautiful brunch at Melissa's house. The main gift that I got there was a bunch of cloth diapers! They were able to get me 25 diapers... mostly fuzzibuns and bumgenius. I'm so excited about them! I also got an ErgoCarrier and a Kelty backpack to carry him in. I can't wait to use all of that stuff! They spent time praying for our little family and encouraging me with Scripture as we embark on this journey. They put together a beautiful little book for me full of Scripture and quotes to remind me of where my focus needs to be in the coming years.

Chris and I have been a very tight budget since August and it has been really incredible to see all the ways that the Lord is providing. We will never have to buy a diaper for our baby boy (or the rest of the kids we have for that matter!). We have everything we need and more and we haven't purchased one thing for Noah! Someone at church gave me a Medela Free Style pump which retails at about $370. What!? We are so overwhelmed and thankful for how God is taking sweet care of us. Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone who has blessed us so much!

California Trip

Chris and I have had a very busy week! Last Friday Neill and Natalie got married here in Jackson. Neill moved out here with the crew to plant the church. He heads up our music ministry and many other things. Natalie was our intern last summer and they started dating this past winter. Natalie is a good friend of mine; we usually spend time together at least once a week. When they get back from their honeymoon they are going to stay with us for a few days before they can move into their new home. Anyway, after their wedding we drove through the night to Denver and went to Chris' cousin's wedding Saturday night. It was at a beautiful home and had fantastic food! The next day Chris and Bethany took me to the Denver airport and I flew to LA. Chris and Bethany drove to Kansas from their. Chris dropped Frazier off at hunting school. Sad!! I miss him. He's going to be there until after the baby is born. Our friend John is training him since we don't have access to any birds. Hopefully he will come back an amazing hunting dog! So, Chris had to get a bunch of dental work done and he was able to get it done for VERY cheap if he did it at home in KS. It was another opportunity to see the Lord providing for us! We are super thankful for people's generosity.

In LA I was able to spend lots of time with family. Mom had to go back to work so I spent a good amount of time with Heather and the kids and then Debbie came out for a few days. It was a very relaxing trip. The heat was a little tough for this pregnant woman, but other than that it was great. My first baby shower was Saturday and I felt so very blessed! I got to see friends and family that I haven't seen for a long time and Chris, Noah and I were blessed with lots of baby gifts! I am slightly obsessed with the baby room. Debbie and Mike painted and reupholstered a BEAUTIFUL black and white glider chair. I LOVE it. I'll post pics soon. I have lots of little projects to do... washing baby clothes, cloth diapers, putting together car seat, finishing a mobile I'm working on, etc. I'm trying to hold off on doing too much of it before I stop working. I only have one more week left!

I feel like I learned a lot this past week and I'm thinking through a lot of things in my own heart and for our family. I was thankful for the time to do that! I will post about that sooner or later.

All is well!

We got all our test results back and my blood sugar levels are just fine. She said it may have been something I ate the day I did my first test. And come to think of it, I had very syrupy waffles that morning. Makes sense. Also, the test results came back about the painful contractions and all is well with that too. I'm super thankful because I want to be able to work the rest of this month. It will help out financially quite a bit... even though it is SO tiring. I'm setting aside Mondays now to cook meals for the week and last week it went so well! I only had to cook one other day and we were able to eat leftovers and frozen meals that I prepared ahead of time. I feel very organized and accomplished this way :o) Since we are on a tighter budget we can't rely on being able to grab lunch out or go to dinner if I'm too tired to cook. If I do the work on Monday than we don't need to worry about it all week. I did have to warn Chris that we will probably be eating a lot of the same meals for a while because I'm trying to do easy things that I can freeze (pasta, chili, meatloaf, etc.).

In other news, we officially picked our baby boy name. We are going to call him Noah Andrew. We chose Noah for a couple reasons. For one, we both love it. I like that I can picture a little boy with the name or a manly man cutting down trees in the forest. It seems versatile. Also, Chris has a great love for all things creation and flood-related in history. Noah is obviously a key player in that part of history. I love it also because of what is said of Noah's faith in the book of Hebrews. He really had such incredible faith! He built that boat for years and years and years when everyone else doubted him. Not only that, but IT HAD NEVER RAINED BEFORE! God said it would flood and there was no way for Noah to even reference what that meant, but he just really trusted the Lord. As for the name Andrew, I was listening to John MacArthur's series on The Master's Men on Grace to You and I was so moved by the disciple Andrew. If you haven't listened to these sermons, you must! Andrew was so humble. He was known as the disciple who was always bringing others to Jesus. He put aside his own preferences in a very Christ-like way. Church history tells us that after he shared the Gospel with the governor's wife and she was converted, the governor sentenced him to be crucified on an X shape cross. He preached the Gospel for 2 days as he hung on the cross! This just brings me to tears. What an incredibly gentle and passionate man. I hope our son grows up to have the faith of Noah and the desire to bring people to Jesus like Andrew.

a predicament

so i was laying in bed dreaming about this really big spider in our house, when i heard the door slam and frazier started barking. back story... Chris keeps waking up really hot in the night so he goes into the living room and sleeps on the couch with the front door open. i have "encouraged" him not to do this in the past because bugs come in the house. i can't confirm this is what he did last night (because it's 5:30 am and he won't wake up to answer my investigatory questions), but i think it is. so... i woke up to a loud bang, got out of bed to see what in the heck is happening and then i hear this little sound under the couch. what!? it's like a thumping or chewing or something. it moved from one side of the couch to the other and it stops whenever i move stuff around. so i'm almost certain that there is a creature living in our house now and i'm so very unsettled about this. i don't want to go back to bed because i feel like i need to babysit this creature in case he decides to relocate to another part of the house. what to do... what to do...

30 Weeks!

I have made it 30 weeks in my pregnancy and I'm very thankful! So far so good. Last week my parents were in town and they were able to come with us to our ultrasound appointment to see the little guy. That's right, little GUY. It was so precious! We were really thinking we had a baby named Grace in there, so to find out we were having a boy was quite a shock. But, after packing up the girl clothes, I am now super thankful and excited for our baby boy. I can't believe that in 10 weeks we are going to be parents. I can hardly wait!

Pregnancy is going just fine. I had my blood work done last week and my iron levels are a bit low and my sugar was a bit high. Now I'm sitting in the hospital waiting room doing my 3 hour glucose test to be sure that I don't have gestational diabetes. I've been having braxton hicks contractions since about 18 weeks and in the past 3 weeks they have gotten super painful when I am at work or on my feet for too long. My midwife wants to do a couple tests to be sure that labor is progressing at all and that the contractions aren't doing anything. In the meantime, it is SUPER hard to work while I'm having them. I only have one month more of work so I'm very thankful for that and praying for grace to get through the shifts that I do have. It's hard work waiting tables when your pregnant! I think there should be an automatic 20% tip for all pregnant waitresses. In other pregnant news, we met with a doula a couple weeks ago and we are decided that we are going to hire her! I'm really excited. She is really sweet. Her name is Jenna and she spent two years in the Peace Corps in Africa assisting a midwife in delivering babies. Because she is not DONA certified yet she is giving us an amazing deal on her services and she will use our birth as one of her required 3 births to become certified. I'm really set on having a natural birth and I know it's going to be a lot of hard work so I'm glad that Chris and I will have the help we need to get through it.

Our baby room is coming along nicely. My parents helped me set up a guest bed, clean out the closet, and set up the crib. The Mumma's are letting us use an adorable bassinet that the girls slept in. Mike and Debbie repainted and reupholstered a glider chair and hopefully we will be able to get that in the room soon too. Chris and Dad built some shelves in our small storage area and I had Dad help me use the scrap wood to make some decorations for the room. We painted lots of birdies for the room! When spring first sprung in Jackson Chris and I bought a bunch of bird seed and we would sit by the window in that room and watch all the cool birds hang out on our lawn. We would pull out the computer and try to find the names of the different birds. It inspired me to do a bit of a bird theme in the baby's room.

I started reading Baby Wise last week. I have always heard mixed reviews about this book because of a lot of drama that happened with "Ezzo Kids" years and years ago at GCC. I wasn't thinking I would read it because of all that I had heard about it, but Sera Mumma encouraged me that it would be really helpful in understanding how to set up a schedule if that's what we decided to do. I must say, I really love it. I don't want to be dogmatic about anything here because I know that we need to be super flexible with our plans for baby, but I have been so informed and encouraged by this book! He seems to be really flexible with feeding and sleeping, but still structured enough that there is some sort of schedule set up. What I had always heard is that the whole point is so that baby is not running the house, but in reading the book I don't think that's his point at all. His point is that you would have a healthy baby who is getting full meals and plenty of sleep. I love the idea of a baby of 10-12 weeks sleeping through the night too. But again, I want to be really flexible. We might meet the little guy and then throw all those plans out the window.

I feel really blessed that I get to have three baby showers in the next month! My mom and Debbie are putting one together for me in CA on August 21st. This one will be mostly for stuff off of my registry at BabiesRUs. The girls at church are having a cloth diaper shower for me the next weekend. We are going with FuzziBun diapers... the best in my opinion. And my sweet friends at work are going to have a "White Trash Baby Shower" for Chris and I. I'm not entirely sure what to expect, but I am excited that they would want to bless us in that way. Also, they love theme parties so it's just as fun for them. Apparently they are going to get a root beer keg and we will be eating things like tater tots and pigs in a blanket at Erica's trailer in town. Sounds like a blast!

Oregon Family Vacation Part 2

We are still enjoying the time together in Oregon! Chris spent another day surfing on Father's Day and he was able to get up on the board this time! I think this is pretty great considering he's never been and he had no teacher. We spent Father's Day browsing the shops downtown and ended up at the marina. We watched 30 sea lions fight and play near the dock and tried Mo's "famous" clam chowder. It was delicious!

Yesterday we went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium for the first part of the day. Chris had never been to an aquarium before and apparently he had no idea what they were. On the way there he said, "Wait, we're not going to the beach?" I think he thought you ended up out in the ocean at some point when you visited an aquarium. It was pretty small, but they had a shark tunnel and a touch pool which were both very cool. The weather is has been SO beautiful and the rest of the day we spent down at the beach laying out and playing in the surf. Chris and Brad went all the way in, but in order to avoid hypothermia they immediately ran out of the water. It is such cold water! Last night we went to dinner to celebrate 30 years of marriage for mom and dad.

It's been really great to spend time with my niece and nephew. I don't get to see them too often so it has been a sweet time to get to know them better and be an auntie. Amalia is really close already with Chris and I because we have had a lot of time with her, but William doesn't really know us. He is seriously such a cute boy! He's super busy all the time and quite the little bruiser. Ami has me wrapped me around her little finger. I just can't handle how cute she is! She is a super sweet and sensitive girl too. Chris and I love them so much.

Today we are off to the Tillamook Cheese Factory! I'm pretty excited to try some fancy cheeses and get ice cream at their creamery. We are going to play it be ear, but we might drive the extra hour to see Astoria where The Goonies was filmed. Brad and I really want to see Mikey's house.

Oregon Family Vacation!

We are on day three of our big "Newbold Family Vacation" on the coast of Oregon and it has been wonderful! Chris and I packed up after work on Thursday and set out for Oregon. I was very proud of myself for driving from 4:30 to midnight. I got to talk to my very good friend Molly for almost 2 hours on the way there. What I really love about our friendship is that when we have the chance to catch up it doesn't feel like 4 months have passed since our last chat. Chris slept for the first shift while I drove across boring eastern Idaho. A point of contention in our relationship when we are on road trips is that I fall asleep constantly. I cannot stay awake to keep him company and it seems like every time we switch driving shifts, I get immediately exhausted. When I am able to drive for 7 straight hours that is an amazing accomplishment! I felt so proud when he woke up and I got to announce that we had made it into Oregon.

From there Chris drove the red eye shift while I tried to sleep in the little bed we made in the back of the Element. At 6 am we arrived in Eugene, OR! I enjoyed a tall skinny cinnamon dulce latte at Starbucks while I read the Word and did some preparation for teaching small group when I get back to Jackson. After that I used our incredibly handy iPhone to navigate my way to all of the maternity shopping in Eugene. I have been struggling to think rightly about my expanding figure and I know that the issue really is contentment. I want so bad to value what God values as beautiful! I know I don't need to be distracted by the fact that I don't fit into my pants anymore, but I can be encouraged that my body is showing signs of this new and blessed season of life. But, the reality is, I don't fit into my pants anymore. So, I was able to go shopping for some very cute new maternity clothes and I was so thankful for the opportunity! Later that afternoon we met up with my parents, Brad, Heather, and the kiddos in the parking lot of Ye Olde Pancake House. What a joy to see the family and start this vacation together!

Distracted by the lush green forests and winding blue river, we made the hour treck from Eugene to the coast of Oregon. Once in Florence, OR we were greeted by sheer cliff edges and the never ending Pacific. What a beautiful coast this is! Around dinner time we made it to our condo in Newport, OR. It didn't take long for us to jump into the rock shower with DOUBLE SHOWER HEADS!! I will say, the idea of two shower heads made me a lot more excited than the actual experience. In truth, I felt like I was on a water ride the whole time and kept getting splashed in the face. Our condo is so very beautiful. I will post pics later.

Our first day here we woke up and spent time hanging out, drinking coffee, reading, playing with the kids. Chris was able to get a solid 8 hours of sleep (which rarely happens at home) and he woke up super rested. We all set out for a walk to the nearby Yachina Lighthouse that has been in use since 1872. We explored the tide pools nearby. Brad and I were astounded that Chris had never been to a tide pool. He had never seen a starfish and didn't know the joy of sticking your finger in a slimy sea anenome! What a Kansas boy. From the lighthouse we walked to a nearby restaurant and enjoyed fish and chips... in my case shrimp and chips because I didn't want to waste my allotted mercury consumption for the week on halibut fish and chips. I'm trying to pace myself as I fully intend of indulging in sea food while I am here. After lunch we walked down the sandy beach and Chris surfed for almost three hours! I was so proud of him. He is the type of guy that picks up athletic things very quickly. When we went skiing this Christmas he hadn't skiied for close to 10 years and he jumps right on the black diamonds. I can't say he took to surfing so readily, but he did a great job for having never done it and having to teacher in the water with him. He has the board today too so hopefully he is able to get up and ride for longer.

It has been a joy to spend these last couple days with my family! The Lord has really grown all of us in the last year, and even in the last month. I am thankful for a family that loves Jesus and wants to share fellowship with one another. Excited for the rest of the week with these crazy people!!

What I was trying to say...

" Fruit-bearing is not a matter of being strong or weak, good or bad, brave or cowardly, clever or foolish, experienced or inexperienced. Whatever your gifts, accomplishments, or virtues, they cannot produce fruit if you are detached from Jesus Christ. Christians who think they are bearing fruit apart from the Vine are only tying on artificial fruit. They run around grunting and groaning to produce fruit but accomplish nothing. Fruit is borne not by trying, but by abiding." -John MacArthur

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. " -John 15:5

A New Mission

Chris and I were walking yesterday and talking about why it is that we don't share the Gospel with people in our lives who don't know Jesus. I was thinking about people that I know who share the Gospel constantly and I think the difference is that those people are totally enthralled with Jesus Christ. They love him so much. He is as much a reality in their life as the need to eat food and drink water. They think about eternity with him, and they think about what eternity without him would be like. Not only do they share the Gospel all the time with everyone, but their lives look other-worldly. By the decor in their home, the clothes on their back, their conversation, how they use their time, you can really see that their citizenship is not here. They are the type of people that you look at and think, "Well, they're different." But, it's good different. My life looks a little too much like the lives of the unbelievers in Jackson. I'm not partying and getting drunk and blaspheming the Lord, but I am valuing my appearance, complaining, being discontent and squandering my time.
I want to be a patient and Christ-centered mom. I want to lay down my life for my child. I want to be super gentle and humble in my interactions with Chris. I want to be his main encourager and his comfort when life is hard. I want to grow in my respect for him and my desire to see him be like Christ. I want to share the Gospel with people I interact with who don't know Him. I want to share the Gospel with all the people I interact with. I want to disciple people with a pure heart and true affection. I want to pour out my life for the church the way that Christ poured out his life for the church. The problem is that I make these my goals. I can idolize things that are really pure desires. When I make these things my idol it is so easy to feel guilty, defeated, overwhelmed that I don't measure up.
My new mission is to love Jesus Christ. I want to think about Him all the time. I want to think about the Gospel and think about how precious it is. I want to ponder the compassion and the love that Jesus had for sinners. I want to think about his selfless abandon. I want to want God's glory the way that the Son wanted the Father's glory. I want my life to be about the Gospel because I think that's the way to bear fruit that will make me the wife, mother, and Christian that I want to be. Sounds so simple.

A Selfless Mother

I read 1 Samuel 1 and 2 this morning and am so struck by Hannah's selflessness. When I read verse 11 I am tempted to think that Hannah's desire for a son is selfish. I've always been taught that you don't bargain with God. You don't say, "God, if you give me this, then I will do this for you." Hannah almost seems to have that attitude when she prays for a son, but then you see what a godly and sacrificial mother she is and you know that her initial prayer for a child was nothing but genuine.

I remember hearing a missionary at Masters share with a group of girls in our dorm that when she got married she prayed that the Lord would not give her any children if they were not going to love and serve Him with all their hearts. What a noble prayer! Her concern with the things of the Lord was far greater than her concern for the things of this world. In the same way, Hannah was not dreaming of years of motherhood riddled with children's books, outdoor games, sibling rivalry and little league. She knew that the child in her womb belonged to God and that she would only have a few short years with him at her side. She vowed to bring him to the temple and leave him there once he was weaned. She would have weaned him at 2 or 3 years. So, when Samuel was 3 years old she took him to the temple and left him there so that he could assist Eli in priestly duties. Then, she prayed. She prayed with joy that she was blessed to bring a child into the world that would serve the Rock and Redeemer. She prays that the proud would humbled, the wicked would be judged and that the Lord would care for His saints. If this isn't a woman who has her priorities straight, I don't know what one is!

Hannah's treatment of Samuel almost seems wrong when you compare it to what the world values in a mother today. How could she leave a three year old at the temple and then visit him once a year? How could she nurse him for 3 years knowing she would not have him after that? She was able to do this because she trusted in a faithful God who would care for and honor her son's commitment to him. She loved the Lord more than she loved her child. I pray that I could be a mom that is this selfless and heaven-minded! I bet it will be really easy to get caught up in my kid. I bet it will be easy to run to their defense and to be emotionally swayed by their cries and their pleas. I pray that I would grow in my heavenly mindedness now so that when my baby is born I can think rightly about them. I want to see them as an instrument for me to grow in humility, sacrifice, service and discipline. I want to pray that the Lord would use them for His glory and His purpose. The Lord had a specific plan for Samuel and He used Hannah's selfless love to bring about his plan. I know that God's plan for my child will be much different than that and by His grace I hope to have many years to enjoy my child. I so look forward to all the special moments that a mother has with her baby! But above those special moments, I want to value God's glory and His sovereign plan for my family, whatever that may be.

Lately!

Thank you Molly Wilson for your gentle rebuke to get me to start blogging! I always check my blog to see what my friends are posting and I always think, You need to blog. So here I go!

I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and things are going well. I don't feel NEARLY as sick as I was several weeks ago. Praise the Lord for that! I still feel a little sick at night, but nothing like it was in the first trimester. I can only button one pair of pants, the other ones I have to wear fastened with a rubberband or with me BellaBand (which I don't wear often... it's kind of annoying to have to readjust it all the time). I had my 16 week appointment last week and things are going well! I'm so thankful that the baby is healthy. I can feel the baby kicking every once in a while and it really makes me so happy! Every day I think, "I can't wait until October to hold my baby!" With all of the health issues that I've had, I'm just so very thankful that this pregnancy is going so smoothly. Everyday I think about labor and delivery and how very excited I am for that day! I got several books from the library about natural birth that I'm excited to go through. I'm hoping to educate Chris a little because he really has no idea what to expect.

Some other new things, we recently moved to a two bedroom apartment that we love. We have a washer and dryer, a dishwasher (thanks to Leslie and Eric!), a baby room, a beautiful view and patio. Frazier wears a collar so he can't get off the property and that has been such a huge blessing. He gets to hang outside all day which makes him a much happier puppy. Chris and I bought a punch card to the rec center in town and we started swimming laps this week. What an incredible workout! I feel like I am getting the same cardio as with running, but without the impact on my back and legs. I love it so far. We've also been trying to hike a couple times a week... but this week it just won't stop snowing so we haven't gotten out yet.

There's a lot I'm missing here, but I just wanted to quick update everyone. The Lord continues to challenge and grow me. Lately I have been seeing my sin so much and it's been really hard not to mope about it. I'm trying to rest in His grace and in Christ's sacrifice rather than wallowing in self-pity over my sin. I'm thankful that God is making me more and sensitive to things of Him. It's encouraging to think that He PROMISES to grow me into His likeness in Christ Jesus!

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

I think I might really believe that. Having a clean home is so important to me, and lately I have been humbled by not being able to clean my house. The dishes pile up, the dog hair on the carpet, the dirty clothes, the clean clothes crumpled in the laundry basket. It's out of hand. This week the church was blessed with a missions group from The Masters College who gave up their spring break and time with family to come to Jackson and serve us. And serve us they are!! They are so amazing. I have had my kitchen and bathroom cleaned, my car detailed, Chris' truck detailed (no small task) and tomorrow we get help packing. In the meantime, I was able to file a ton of paperwork and even give the dog a bath today! Now I won't feel so terrible when he is on our bed.

In other Buczinski news, we are moving!! Officially... well as official as anything in Jackson can be when it's based on someone else's verbal commitment. We are signing the lease this weekend. We will really miss our precious little studio. It is perfect for us, but not so perfect for us, a dog and a baby. The new place has TWO bedrooms! We don't even have one bedroom right now. I'm really hoping that I feel well enough to pack and unpack.

So all that say, we are very thankful. God continues to provide for all of our needs.

First Appointment

We had our first appointment with our midwife, Theresa Lurch. It was great! I really love the office and I really like Theresa so far as well. We were able to have our first ultrasound and see our little baby's heartbeat! It was really wonderful. I'm so thankful that baby is thriving. I found out that I have lost about 8 pounds so far and Theresa wasn't worried about this at all. I decided that despite the nausea I would not take any drugs to control it. I thought about it a lot and decided that if I am passionate about natural birth, I think I should be passionate about natural pregnancy too. In God's sovereignty anything could happen with our birth and pregnancy and things could end up totally different than I anticipate, but as far as I can control it, I want to stay away from any drugs. I am almost 9 weeks, so I'm hoping and praying that I only have a few more weeks of this left! Then life can get back to normal (somewhat).



I'm trying to convince Chris that we don't want to know the sex of the baby until they're born. I think it would be so exciting to wait! He is totally not on board on with this yet, but I have several weeks to convince him otherwise. As I was browsing the internet I decided that I'm not really that into gender specific things and would rather have the excitement of finding out the sex of our baby in the hospital room. Something about that is so wonderful to me. I'll keep you posted on what Chris decides!

Tomorrow Chris and I are going to Idaho for the day and we're going to run some errands and browse Target for baby items. We want to get a feel for what we like. I'm hoping that I can get through the day not being too sick. I'm very excited about going to Coldstone!

We aren't moving next week after all. The people are still holding our apartment for us, but we need to get someone into our place first because we are in a lease. Lots of people have come to see it and liked it, but I think because it's a studio they tend to get turned off by it.

Well, there's all my boring updates. I have been laying around more than I ever have, eating the worst possible foods, and I haven't done a dish for several weeks...too gross right now. Our little church is really putting Jesus on display in how they serve us right now. Today my friend Tiffany is coming over to help me clean. Praise the Lord for His people! I'm looking forward to visiting CA in a few weeks, camping in Moab, celebrating our 2nd anniversary, Hawaii, and Mom and Dad Buczinski coming into town in May. Lots to look forward to this spring and summer!

Baby Musings and Grumblings...

Well, I obviously haven't been very good at posting on here. The excitement about pregnancy quickly turned to constant nausea and I can hardly stand it. As I type Chris is driving around the west bank looking for something that I might want to eat. I just feel so awful! I cry a lot right now... mostly about feeling sick. I'm trying to find joy in the Lord and to be thankful for this time in life, but it's been a lot more difficult than I would have thought.

Lord willing, we are moving to a two bedroom place in a few weeks. There's still some issues that we have to pan out with the apartment we are in, but it looks like we'll be packing up pretty soon. I'm so excited about having more space and actually having a bedroom! It's super cute and it's right in the price range we were hoping for. I'm very thankful that there will be a missions team from TMC here during that time to help us move so I won't have to do too much on my own. It's just so hard to do things right now!

Some baby things I've been thinking about...
1. Should we vaccinate our baby?? Should we wait until they are older?
2. Talking about baby names a lot a week ago and now not so much
3. Throwing around the idea of putting red, gold and brown in the baby room. I decided I'm not into pink and blue for a room...or a baby theme at all.
4. Thinking about finding a used day bed and a trundle for the baby room for guests!
5. I won't have to go to the restaurant to work anymore!!!!!!!!
6. How on earth do I decide what things to register for???
7. Will baby sleep in our bed? for how long?
8. Setting aside 30 bucks a month for cloth diapers so I can have my dream and use Fuzzybuns.
9. How will I ever get through birth naturally??

Now mothers, I know it might be tempting to say, "Baby in the bed!! The nerve." or "CLOTH DIAPERS?? So naive." But refrain for now because I am in a fragile state. Though I would love to hear thoughts on some of those things.

Also, I've been having super weird dreams lately. Lots of dreams about my midwife who I haven't met yet. Last night in my dream her office manager chewed me out and last week I dreamt that I went to my first appointment in the grocery store and she was just awful. I just took a nap and dreamt that Martha Stewart went to my Bible Study and I was trying to find a way to ask her to do my baby shower. Then I woke up and was so excited that I have a mom and mom-like friends that seriously know how to throw amazing showers!!! Can't wait until August!

Rejoicing!!

I've been dying to post this somewhere, but wasn't quite ready for the dreaded Facebook announcement. So I thought I would post on my humble blog so all three of you who read this would know that I'm pregnant!!! Yay!!! We are so excited! There's still a few people that I couldn't get a hold of to tell on the phone, but hopefully I'll get a hold of them today. All the moms, dads, and siblings know already. We found out yesterday afternoon. Wednesday Dr. Trott told me that I would have to have another surgery on my mouth so my moms started planning a trip out here then it dawned on me that if I'm pregnant there won't be any surgery so I should figure that out soon so they don't book the trip. Sure enough, pregnant. Also sure enough, they still want to book the trip so we can be excited all together! I have to talk to Dr. Trott tomorrow and figure out what this means for my surgery, but I'm finding rest in God's sovereignty and knowing that conception is a miracle every time and God's hand is behind this. It may not have been my exact timing because of health concerns I've had lately, but I know that God is knitting together this baby in my womb that he knew before the foundations of the earth, so I'm pretty sure that He knows exactly what He's doing. It blows me away to think that before there was ever an earth or an Adam or an Eve, The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were communing in perfect harmony and decided that in January 2010 (even though they are completely outside space and time) this tiny poppy-seed-size baby would form! It comforts me to think that He knows exactly what this baby's name will be, what the sex is, how they'll look, and if they'll have all their little parts. What a precious gift. Chris and I are truly blown away. Yesterday I was like a deer in the headlights all day, then I woke up excited to think that we are already parents to a tiny baby that we will get to meet this Fall! Yay!!!

Women are Emotional

I can totally understand where this women is coming from...well maybe not totally. But sometimes you just can't help but cry at the end of Elf...er I mean, at the end of a movie.

Doctors

A lot has been going on the past couple weeks! I got insurance January 1st and there were several things that I knew I needed to sort out with my health. One of those things was to get a growth cut out of my lip and let me tell you, it hurts! I've been on vicadin for 6 days straight and I cry whenever I eat or brush my teeth. I think by the end of this I will be a very skinny woman with terrible, terrible cavities. Last night I almost couldn't stand it anymore and I was just crying and praying and hoping something would change. Leslie sent me a bunch of verses to read through that would help me think of the Lord in the midst of physical pain and I'm excited to read those this morning.

I've also been dealing with some gastrointestinal issues for the last year and a half and went of gluten for most of 2009. I had to see a gastroenterologist for this and Chris and I have been driving back and forth to Idaho Falls for these appointments. The time with Chris has been really encouraging and we have had some great conversations sitting in the car with each other for hours. We are supposed to get the results back from those procedures by the end of this week. I'm looking forward to all of this being over!

It's been a struggle to not be able to work, to be drugged most of the day, and to not be able to talk (as much as I want to at least). But I'm learning to trust the Lord that this is only a season that He has for me and I can be faithful even in that. Sometimes I feel like I have squandered my time during this, and I'm sure that in a lot of ways I have, but I'm trying to remember that it's okay to rest. I have been able to get a ton of things done around the house and that's exciting! Mike and Debbie bought us new book shelves for Christmas and we've been getting those set up--they look SO great! I've been obsessively cleaning house and I even organized all our paper work and files. This was no small task. I love it when Chris comes home and I have company again...not that Frazier isn't good company. I'm trying to make nice dinners for him then I eat mac and cheese or a smoothie because I can't really chew. Tonight I'm making an elk roast! I hope it turns out okay.

1000 Graces

Seeing that it's Monday, I'll continue my thankfulness list!

5. I'm thankful that God has no wrath towards me!

6. I'm thankful that God asks us to do things his way, and then he lets us experience joy and contentment in doing things his way.

7. I'm thankful that Chris does the dishes

8. I'm thankful that all the doctors I've had to see lately are covered under my insurance.

9. I'm thankful that we live in Jackson

10. I'm thankful that I get to spend the day with Chris

Elementary Truths

Do you ever learn something about God and then think, "Wow, how did I not know that for the last six years??" That's happened to me a couple times in the past few weeks. I've been learning more about God's mercy and the glory of the cross. In church the other day Eric said that when we sin God has no wrath towards us. For some reason when I sin I always think He does. I know that he hates sin and I know that my sin hurts him, but he definitely doesn't have wrath towards me. Why doesn't he? Because he poured out all his wrath on Jesus on the cross. I love this truth. In the past six years I have often found myself avoiding God after I know that I sinned because I really felt like he hated me. I don't know why I thought this way! No one ever told me that he hated me when I sinned. God's love is so amazing and so divine and when I sin he wants nothing more than that I would run to him. His kindness truly does lead us to repentance.

Friday I was listening to Grace To You on confessing sins and MacArthur said that when we sin we don't have to ask God's forgiveness. We only confess our sin and agree with him that we sinned against him. This is amazing too! This really pointed me to the cross. Truly, ALL my sin was forgiven on the cross. When I sin I get to thank him that he already paid for my sin and that I'm covered by the blood of Jesus. Sometimes I felt like I was not forgiven until I went to God and asked for forgiveness. This really blows my mind and makes me so thankful.

I know these are super elementary truths to the Gospel, but sometimes they just hit you. It sounded so profound when I was reminded of these things. Once again, it humbles me. It humbles me that I don't have to do anything and there is nothing I can do to seek favor from God. His love for me is based solely on his love for his Son Jesus. How inconsequential I am! He saved me from my sin and death only to grant me complete righteousness in Christ. Thank you Lord!