Baby Musings and Grumblings...

Well, I obviously haven't been very good at posting on here. The excitement about pregnancy quickly turned to constant nausea and I can hardly stand it. As I type Chris is driving around the west bank looking for something that I might want to eat. I just feel so awful! I cry a lot right now... mostly about feeling sick. I'm trying to find joy in the Lord and to be thankful for this time in life, but it's been a lot more difficult than I would have thought.

Lord willing, we are moving to a two bedroom place in a few weeks. There's still some issues that we have to pan out with the apartment we are in, but it looks like we'll be packing up pretty soon. I'm so excited about having more space and actually having a bedroom! It's super cute and it's right in the price range we were hoping for. I'm very thankful that there will be a missions team from TMC here during that time to help us move so I won't have to do too much on my own. It's just so hard to do things right now!

Some baby things I've been thinking about...
1. Should we vaccinate our baby?? Should we wait until they are older?
2. Talking about baby names a lot a week ago and now not so much
3. Throwing around the idea of putting red, gold and brown in the baby room. I decided I'm not into pink and blue for a room...or a baby theme at all.
4. Thinking about finding a used day bed and a trundle for the baby room for guests!
5. I won't have to go to the restaurant to work anymore!!!!!!!!
6. How on earth do I decide what things to register for???
7. Will baby sleep in our bed? for how long?
8. Setting aside 30 bucks a month for cloth diapers so I can have my dream and use Fuzzybuns.
9. How will I ever get through birth naturally??

Now mothers, I know it might be tempting to say, "Baby in the bed!! The nerve." or "CLOTH DIAPERS?? So naive." But refrain for now because I am in a fragile state. Though I would love to hear thoughts on some of those things.

Also, I've been having super weird dreams lately. Lots of dreams about my midwife who I haven't met yet. Last night in my dream her office manager chewed me out and last week I dreamt that I went to my first appointment in the grocery store and she was just awful. I just took a nap and dreamt that Martha Stewart went to my Bible Study and I was trying to find a way to ask her to do my baby shower. Then I woke up and was so excited that I have a mom and mom-like friends that seriously know how to throw amazing showers!!! Can't wait until August!

Rejoicing!!

I've been dying to post this somewhere, but wasn't quite ready for the dreaded Facebook announcement. So I thought I would post on my humble blog so all three of you who read this would know that I'm pregnant!!! Yay!!! We are so excited! There's still a few people that I couldn't get a hold of to tell on the phone, but hopefully I'll get a hold of them today. All the moms, dads, and siblings know already. We found out yesterday afternoon. Wednesday Dr. Trott told me that I would have to have another surgery on my mouth so my moms started planning a trip out here then it dawned on me that if I'm pregnant there won't be any surgery so I should figure that out soon so they don't book the trip. Sure enough, pregnant. Also sure enough, they still want to book the trip so we can be excited all together! I have to talk to Dr. Trott tomorrow and figure out what this means for my surgery, but I'm finding rest in God's sovereignty and knowing that conception is a miracle every time and God's hand is behind this. It may not have been my exact timing because of health concerns I've had lately, but I know that God is knitting together this baby in my womb that he knew before the foundations of the earth, so I'm pretty sure that He knows exactly what He's doing. It blows me away to think that before there was ever an earth or an Adam or an Eve, The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were communing in perfect harmony and decided that in January 2010 (even though they are completely outside space and time) this tiny poppy-seed-size baby would form! It comforts me to think that He knows exactly what this baby's name will be, what the sex is, how they'll look, and if they'll have all their little parts. What a precious gift. Chris and I are truly blown away. Yesterday I was like a deer in the headlights all day, then I woke up excited to think that we are already parents to a tiny baby that we will get to meet this Fall! Yay!!!

Women are Emotional

I can totally understand where this women is coming from...well maybe not totally. But sometimes you just can't help but cry at the end of Elf...er I mean, at the end of a movie.

Doctors

A lot has been going on the past couple weeks! I got insurance January 1st and there were several things that I knew I needed to sort out with my health. One of those things was to get a growth cut out of my lip and let me tell you, it hurts! I've been on vicadin for 6 days straight and I cry whenever I eat or brush my teeth. I think by the end of this I will be a very skinny woman with terrible, terrible cavities. Last night I almost couldn't stand it anymore and I was just crying and praying and hoping something would change. Leslie sent me a bunch of verses to read through that would help me think of the Lord in the midst of physical pain and I'm excited to read those this morning.

I've also been dealing with some gastrointestinal issues for the last year and a half and went of gluten for most of 2009. I had to see a gastroenterologist for this and Chris and I have been driving back and forth to Idaho Falls for these appointments. The time with Chris has been really encouraging and we have had some great conversations sitting in the car with each other for hours. We are supposed to get the results back from those procedures by the end of this week. I'm looking forward to all of this being over!

It's been a struggle to not be able to work, to be drugged most of the day, and to not be able to talk (as much as I want to at least). But I'm learning to trust the Lord that this is only a season that He has for me and I can be faithful even in that. Sometimes I feel like I have squandered my time during this, and I'm sure that in a lot of ways I have, but I'm trying to remember that it's okay to rest. I have been able to get a ton of things done around the house and that's exciting! Mike and Debbie bought us new book shelves for Christmas and we've been getting those set up--they look SO great! I've been obsessively cleaning house and I even organized all our paper work and files. This was no small task. I love it when Chris comes home and I have company again...not that Frazier isn't good company. I'm trying to make nice dinners for him then I eat mac and cheese or a smoothie because I can't really chew. Tonight I'm making an elk roast! I hope it turns out okay.

1000 Graces

Seeing that it's Monday, I'll continue my thankfulness list!

5. I'm thankful that God has no wrath towards me!

6. I'm thankful that God asks us to do things his way, and then he lets us experience joy and contentment in doing things his way.

7. I'm thankful that Chris does the dishes

8. I'm thankful that all the doctors I've had to see lately are covered under my insurance.

9. I'm thankful that we live in Jackson

10. I'm thankful that I get to spend the day with Chris

Elementary Truths

Do you ever learn something about God and then think, "Wow, how did I not know that for the last six years??" That's happened to me a couple times in the past few weeks. I've been learning more about God's mercy and the glory of the cross. In church the other day Eric said that when we sin God has no wrath towards us. For some reason when I sin I always think He does. I know that he hates sin and I know that my sin hurts him, but he definitely doesn't have wrath towards me. Why doesn't he? Because he poured out all his wrath on Jesus on the cross. I love this truth. In the past six years I have often found myself avoiding God after I know that I sinned because I really felt like he hated me. I don't know why I thought this way! No one ever told me that he hated me when I sinned. God's love is so amazing and so divine and when I sin he wants nothing more than that I would run to him. His kindness truly does lead us to repentance.

Friday I was listening to Grace To You on confessing sins and MacArthur said that when we sin we don't have to ask God's forgiveness. We only confess our sin and agree with him that we sinned against him. This is amazing too! This really pointed me to the cross. Truly, ALL my sin was forgiven on the cross. When I sin I get to thank him that he already paid for my sin and that I'm covered by the blood of Jesus. Sometimes I felt like I was not forgiven until I went to God and asked for forgiveness. This really blows my mind and makes me so thankful.

I know these are super elementary truths to the Gospel, but sometimes they just hit you. It sounded so profound when I was reminded of these things. Once again, it humbles me. It humbles me that I don't have to do anything and there is nothing I can do to seek favor from God. His love for me is based solely on his love for his Son Jesus. How inconsequential I am! He saved me from my sin and death only to grant me complete righteousness in Christ. Thank you Lord!

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