Two Weeks Old!

Noah is deciding if he likes the bath or not
Baby Noah is two weeks old now and things are going wonderfully! The first week was tough. I am so the mom that can't handle any little peep out of her child without running to his side. My parents were here the first week that we were home and it was just crazy. They were SO helpful with cooking and cleaning and getting little projects done. They got lots of cuddle time with Noah and did middle of the night shifts with him when he had to sleep on the billi-bed for his jaundice. I was a little bit of a wreck though. I was super tired and emotional and just cried about every little thing. Noah was in our bed because I didn't know how to get him to sleep in his bassinet alone. None of us were getting good sleep.

Turns out, you get your baby to sleep in their bassinet by making them do it. Funny how parenting works. Now, he sleeps like a champ. I just had to get over being afraid of his crying. I feel reassured that it's okay and even good for babies to cry so now he cries for about 5 or 10 minutes when I lay him down and then he falls asleep. What a world of difference this has made!

In his two weeks of life he has done quite a bit! He met his dog and soon-to-be best bud, Frazier. He got babysat by Grandma and Grandpa while Mom and Dad went on a date. He got circumcised (sad... very sad). His weight gain is up to 7.5 oz! He was 7 lbs when he was born. He has gone on lots of walks and done lots and lots and lots of sleeping! I feel like all he does is sleep and eat and poo.

Tomorrow Mike and Debbie leave and Chris and I are really looking forward to getting into more of a routine in life. Chris has his hands full with work, church, school and family so it will be really good for him to get into some kind of routine where he can do all of that. I'm looking forward to settling into stay-at-home-mommy-time. I'm not really sure what this will look like, but I'm excited to figure it out! I have found that while I'm nursing Noah I can really spend some great time in the Word and I'm looking forward to catching up on some sermons while I cook and clean.

In other news, we are starting the Great Buczinski Family Weight Loss of 2010. Since we all (me, Chris, Mike, Deb and Bethany) have a good 20 plus pounds to lose (yikes! that seems like an awful lot!) we are going to compete and see who can lose the most weight by Christmas. There will be some kind of wonderful prize for the winner, but we haven't decided on all the details quite yet. I hope this motivates me to lose this weight quickly!

The Kindness of God

I am amazed at God's kindness and grace through labor and delivery! Chris and I are in awe of this whole experience. There are several things that I am thankful for. I'm so thankful that God made us aware of the low fluid levels in the womb. The thought of going home and not knowing that Noah wasn't getting oxygen is horrific! Of course, God would still be good and His plan would be worthy of praise, but it was so kind of him to give us this gift.

The Lord knew my desire to experience a natural labor and delivery and He also knew that on my own accord, I could NEVER have done it. Chris and I feel like we were just along for the ride while the Lord carried us through this experience. I really believe that He pushed me to my absolute end and there was sufficient grace to be found there. One of the things that I had written down to meditate on and remember throughout my labor was, "Trust God for His provision, and turn to Him as you come to the end of yourself. The demands of labor have been given by God as a gift. As I come to the end of my own resources, I am forced to turn to God for His help. It is good to cry out to Him. This is preparing me for all the times that I will need to cry out to God during Noah’s life. The utter helplessness of labor is teaching me to cling to the power of God in Noah’s life." This really happened! I was forced to come to the end of myself and to cry out to Him for help and there was certainly help to be found there.

Another thing Chris and I were trying to be reminded of, "I will learn that I can indeed obey God’s commands when everything in my body is pressing me towards selfishness. God will give more grace than I think possible!" Wow, this really happened too! Reflecting on yesterday I see how God purposed to force me through a natural labor even when I was ready to throw my goals out the window in order that I would see how much grace there is in Him. Thank you Lord! All Chris and I can keep saying is, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." God is so good to give us the gift of natural labor when I did NOT want to do it.

One fear that I expressed to Chris and a few others is that I didn't want to go into natural birth with a prideful attitude, depending on my own strength. By God's grace He made that impossible. I am certain that I didn't do it on my own strength. It was a good gift from God and that was it. I was BEGGING for an epidural and looking for any way out, but God, in His kindness, knew that I would be so blessed by natural birth. Thank you Lord!

Thank you for carrying me in a way that I have never felt before. Thank you, Lord, for showing Chris and I that we are helpless and it is only you that can do anything beautiful in and through us. Thank you for showing us this lesson before we entered parenthood! Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me through labor and every dark place I turned there was still grace to be found there. Thank you for giving Chris grace to stand so strong with me. Thank you for blessing us FAR beyond anything that we could ever ask or imagine when you delivered a perfect healthy son into our arms. You are so kind. Your kindness has literally overwhelmed me.

A Birth Story

While it's fresh in my mind... here are all the details! I won't be too gross, but since it's almost all moms that read my blog, I won't be too cautious either...

I went in for my appointment on Wednesday morning and since I was full term my midwife wanted to put me on the monitors to make sure Noah's heart rate was okay. He had some great accelerations, but then some weird decelerations where his heart rate would drop down below 70. She decided to send me to the hospital to be put on their monitors for the afternoon and then she was going to check and be sure that I had enough fluid in the womb. I was on the monitors from about 10:30am until 5pm and he had maybe one or two of those decelerations. She wasn't too concerned, but did the ultrasound to check the fluid. They like the fluid levels to be above an 8, and I was at 6.5. Her concern was that he didn't have enough cushion and was pinching off his oxygen supply. If we had gone home we would have no way to know if the baby was in distress. Also, the low fluid levels indicated a failing placenta and my fluid levels would only continue to drop which would make it more and more difficult to have a vaginal birth.

It seemed like an easy decision that we would be induced. We weren't excited about having to be induced, but REALLY excited that Noah would be here soon! Also thankful that she caught the low fluid levels. She decided to have me rest in the hospital (which is impossible really) and then she was going to induce me in the morning. In the meantime she inserted an Cervidil suppository that could have set me into labor spontaneously. Sure enough, around midnight I was having regular hard contractions. I tried to deal with them on my own until about 1 am and then I woke up Chris. We fell into a good groove together, breathing through contractions and using the birthing ball by the side of the hospital bed. At this point I was about 3 cm dilated and 75 % effaced.

Throughout my pregnancy Chris and I were excited about and preparing for a natural labor. We hired a doula to assist us and did everything we thought we could to prepare. Around 4 am I decided that I could care less about natural labor and I told Chris that I NEEDED an epidural. I was coping really well with the contractions as far as he could tell, but I really felt like I could not continue. He told me that we should call our doula and wait for her to arrive so we could see if she could help us. Of course every two minutes until she arrived I was asking, "Where is she? How long is she going to be?" I felt bad for putting Chris in this position when he knew how much I wanted natural labor, but I was having such a hard time dealing with the pain.

Jenna arrived around 4:30 and the nurse (whose name is Chris but I kept wanting to call her Anne) checked me and I was about 4 cm, 100% effaced. I said, "Sorry you had to come all this way Jenna, but I can't do this anymore." and I asked the Chris/Anne for an epidural. She called Theresa and, can you believe it??, Theresa said NO! I was so frustrated with this. The problem was that Noah's heart rate dropped every time I hunched over and that is the position I have to stay in if I am going to get an epidural. Theresa lives in Idaho so I had to wait AN HOUR for her to get there. Terrible. She suggested I get in the birth tub... I opted for the shower, but that really sucked and I got way too cold so we moved to the tub.

The tub worked miracles. I got in and immediately felt relief. The baby really liked when I was in there because I relaxed so much and labor progressed VERY FAST from here. The nurse kept walking by and hearing that I was getting more and more intense so she checked me and found that I was between 7 and 8 cm. I didn't believe her and said something like, "She doesn't really know what she's talking about..." under my breath when she walked out the door and she popped back and in and said, "Let me explain..." I felt a little bad, but not too much. At this point things got very strange. I was in a strange daze in between contractions and then doing searching for my husband's hand during contractions and breathing and moaning very loudly to get through the contractions.

Theresa got there around 6:30 and checked me and I was 9 cm!! I couldn't believe it. The contractions were SO intense. We moved back to our room and she had me on all fours on the hospital bed. I was SOOO scared. I asked Chris to pray over and over again and I was begging God to make me brave to get through the pushing. It seriously hurt like my insides were going to come out. I had to start pushing and it was like nothing I've ever felt. I asked Theresa, "It feels like my colon is going to rip apart. Is that happening?" She assured me that it was not and then I felt like it was okay to push. All I really remember is shoving my face in the pillows, grabbing Chris' hand, and staring at my wet hair. I pushed and prayed and begged God for grace and I heard Chris say, "You're my hero. You're doing so great." I saw him start to cry and shake a little and it kind of made me feel better to know that he was really going through this with me (side note: I just love him so much. I need to devote a whole blog to how amazing he was through all of it. I could not have done it without God's grace and without my sweet husband). So, there I was naked, wet hair, on all fours with my butt in my midwives' face, doing an awful lot of hollering...TMI? too bad. Having a baby is over the top raw and intense.

Finally, Noah was here!! Theresa passed her up to me through my legs and I was kneeling over him on the bed. It hit me all of a sudden, "That's right, we are having a baby." Somehow, I forgot what we were doing! I flipped over and grabbed him and put him on my chest. Soooo amazing!!! Chris and I let out a huge sigh of relief and gazed at our beautiful boy. It feels like a dream! I can't believe that it all happened. I can't believe that we have a healthy baby boy and that I delivered him with no drugs.

I have a lot to share about my Lord, my husband and my precious, precious little baby boy. More to come!

Thankful

The Lord has done it! He brought our perfect, precious baby boy into the world yesterday morning at 6:50 am. I already feel like this was the best day of my life. I keep stopping and thinking, "Oh my gosh. Did this just happen!?" Birth was intense, magical, scary, and a little bit primal. Chris and I have been spending time reflecting on God's perfect provision through birth and all the lessons we learned from that experience. I am excited to share all the details of birth and this new exciting life... more to come!

October 13th is Finally Here!

Wow, back in February I never thought this day would come! Baby still hasn't arrived, but there's definitely some progress since last night. Since about 8 pm last night I started having contractions that were pretty painful and about 20-25 minutes apart. Chris and I went to bed at 10pm and I woke up 1 am because the contractions are too painful to sleep through. Now they are about every 15 minutes. Not as exciting as I would like it to be, but it's definitely something! I just hope that I'm rested enough to get through it all.

Two More Days... maybe....

It's Monday. Wednesday is the due date. I almost can't believe that I've made it this far! I definitely thought that I would have the baby by now. I'm not sure how I got that in my head, but needless to say, I'm fighting disappointment and discouragement at this point. Sometimes I think, "He's really not coming." But, Chris reminds me that this is impossible. The Lord is teaching me to be patient and to make the most of every moment while I'm home and not working and not tending to an infant. Honestly, I have been really lonely all day when Chris is at work. This past week I tried to be more diligent about inviting people over and spending time reading. Today my friend Tiffany is coming over and we're going to watch the movie "Babies" and bake ginger snaps. Tomorrow I'm going to each Natalie how to crochet. It's a glamorous life...

Over the past weekend three of my friends from California had their babies! I really am excited for them, but it makes the anticipation that much more difficult. I think I should lay off of Facebook so I don't get too discouraged. This verse in Psalm 119 has really convicted me this past week as I have had so much time and my thoughts have been racing about when this guy is going to come, "Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in your ways. Establish your word to your servant, as that which produces reverence for you." As I struggle with a complaining spirit it is a great reminder that I need to grow in reverence for my great God and I need to be disciplined to turn away from what distracts me from worship.

Since I don't do much, I don't have a whole lot to write about! I have really been enjoying my Bible reading plan. One interesting thing about it is that it has me in 1 Kings, Ecclesiastes, and Proverbs all at once right now and I'm getting a really cool picture of who Solomon was. I have been in Jeremiah for about 30 chapters now and it has been such an encouragement to me to persevere in ministry. What an amazing man of God he was! Over and over again he is faithful to God's Word and he is faithful to serve the Israelites and as a result of the hard things he is saying on behalf of God, he is almost put to death continually! I can shy away from saying hard things because I fear man and not God. He is really teaching me about compassionate boldness in ministry... and about the wickedness of my own heart! How often I can ask for help (especially from Chris) and then when I get it, I am tempted to revile because I don't want my sin pointed out. This is just what the Jews did to Jeremiah. Among other books this reading plan has me in, I am reading through Acts as well. Yesterday I started listening to MacArthur's series Paul's trials before Felix in the end of Acts. It's so great!

I hope the next time I blog is because baby Noah has arrived! I'm praying for patience and for contentment in these last few days of pregnancy.